This is something new; lockdown rules mark 2 (or 3 or 4 or 5 etc.), featuring up to five of your friends, and this time we’re going to stop getting funky. That’s right. You’ve all been getting too funky and now we have lost our funky privileges. Once upon a time, many moons ago, we were told to ‘Eat Out to Help Out’, emphasis on the out. ‘Get out of your houses,’ Bojo and Rishi cried, ‘go forth into the world and spend lots and lots of money my children.’ They even, in their infinite wisdom and mercy, allowed us to gather in groups of 30 outdoors for special occasions such as weddings. Apparently, though, some of us got greedy. We were cha cha sliding when we shouldn’t have been, and Covid knows, you know? It can tell when you’re socialising at a wedding rather than just a pedestrian party. It respects the sanctity of marriage. It will not spread there. It does not respect the sanctity of the sesh.
So now cases are rising again.
And it actually doesn’t have anything to do with all the eating out so I shouldn’t have even mentioned that. It’s definitely not that, or the schools reopening, or the push to get people back into the offices. Covid is allergic to money, school uniforms and work. It’s the fact that people were disobeying the very clear, distinct and in no way confusing rules about getting into bubbles and meeting up with their friends. Is this all making sense to you? If not that’s not because I’m being nonsensical, it’s because you’re being irresponsible, okay?
As of Monday people will only be allowed to gather in groups of six.
This applies both indoors and outdoors. The current thinking is that these measures will be in place until spring, which is likely to put a damper on some people’s Christmas plans – not mine, I don’t like more than six people anyway. If there are more than six people you like, this weekend is going to be your last opportunity to gather them together for, potentially, quite a long time. Hospitality venues are staying open but will now be legally required to collect test and trace details; universities are still set to open and have been advised not to send students who return positive tests home; and plans to reopen concert venues and sporting events are under review. Boris has emphasised that this is not a second lockdown and is instead an attempt to avoid a second lockdown. It’s all part of a plan and that plan is called:
And that’s cool. That’s a cool name. 100% I’m down to be a part of Operation Moonshot, lock me inside and drench me in hand sanitiser if you want to Boris – Operation Moonshot. Otherwise known as ‘our only hope for avoiding a second national lockdown,’ Moonshot doesn’t actually involve bathing in sanitiser and is, in fact, the £100bn scheme to provide high-speed testing to up to 10 million people a day. In this way, large gatherings would be allowed as long as everyone underwent testing at the door. Unfortunately, it’s called Moonshot because it’s currently pretty far from possible, and some of the (boring/pessimistic) scientists in charge think it might not be achievable. But look, man (probably) made it to the moon right? So if man made it to the moon I don’t see why I can’t make it to a massive field full of 20,000 strangers and copious amounts of booze this time next year, please? Right now I can only see six people, unless of course I’m seeing them at any of the exempt venues, like:
Places of worship
Somewhere where we are playing a “covid-secure” sport
The process of moving house
Oh and weddings and funerals, where you are actually still allowed up to 30 people.
Sorry folks, looks like you can keep cha cha sliding after all. One hop this time.
TT’s top story
AppyWay, a kerbside management and intelligent mobility solution provider, just raised an impressive £20m in their Series B funding round.
Have you heard?
“Four days to change the world”
This might be a marketing ploy to make the TV show The Social Movement more enticing, but it is a phrase which is troubling for a number of reasons. Charles Draper, the founder and Managing Director of the recruitment firm Sure Group, has just been confirmed to take part in the second series of the reality TV show where CEOs and entrepreneurs are brought together to ‘change the world’.
The issues these millionaires will face? Economic injustices for women, wage inequality, hunger, homelessness, racism and suicide prevention, to name a few. Whilst the intentions might be benign in addressing these issues, some have found it absurd and offensive to suggest these very complex problems can be solved by the very people who may indirectly contribute to them – in just four days. After which the CEOs and entrepreneurs will presumably be allowed to continue with their daily lives. Of course, the other perspective would be that these people with power are precisely where we need to start to enact change. Maybe this is the way to get CEOs to right some of their previous wrongs? Companies are facing increasing pressure to be ethical, as we’ve previously discussed, and if they want to attract the best candidates, they might just need to be proving that they know there’s more to life than money. Not much, but a little… Anyway, the second series will stream on Amazon Prime in April 2021.
App of the week
What3words - with everyone making the most of their freedom
and reuniting with up to 5 of their friends and family, it can be difficult to
find each other when out and about. Rather than using postcodes or some
half-forgotten directions, what3words uses a grid system, assigning every
3m x 3m square on Earth their own unique set of words so people and
places are far easier to find. 80% of UK emergency services utilise this
app too, so if you’ve wandered too far from home and need help, use the
app to discover your 3 unique words and they’ll know where to find you.
Word of the week
Disagreeable to deal with, bad-tempered, uncooperative.
After another candidate failed to turn up to their interview, the recruiter
could only hope that the hiring manager wouldn’t become cantankerous.